You're so nebulous sometimes
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
