Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
