When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
