$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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