Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
