it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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