I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
