i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
