so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
