dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
