Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
