as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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