I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize