when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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