i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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