I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
