I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
