i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
