did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
