I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
