Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
