I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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