The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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