what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
