1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He felt like a one man threesome
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
