I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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