Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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