I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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