eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
