some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
