he was CRYING into my vagina
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
