he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
