If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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