He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
