Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
