he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
