Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He keeps bees of course he's weird
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
