I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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