Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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