That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
