Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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