you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize