can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The uberlube is also flammable
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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