Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
