Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you would pick up someone in the library
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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