Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
