Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
