There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
