Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
