We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
