There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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