just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
