I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
