We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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