My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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