Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
