i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
