At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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