i just had sex bonerless
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
either way he was missing a nipple.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
