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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I looked at my own cervix.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I want to be your penis for a week.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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