I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
