Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
