I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
