And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
