I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
