sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
