Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
