Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
