He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
