went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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