I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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