If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
