.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
