Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
