1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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